Recently, I returned from my annual vacation to Jamaica to ring in the New Year. When you have that party at Hedonism II in Negril, it inevitably undergoes a metamorphosis into …
A Saturnalian Celebration
Day 1: Travel Day – Thursday, 12/26/19
Things did not start well. My Caribbean Airlines flight out of JFK was two hours late; fortunately, I got a notification late the night before so I was able to re-schedule my pick-up from Dial 7. The good news is that very little after that went awry. Having booked the VIP Bundle Service from Club Mobay , I was greeted by their representative shortly after deplaning. She quickly walked me through the immigration line (brief wait) where my information was processed in short order (I had completed the online Immigration/Customs form prior to this, but also filled out the paper form while on the plane, just as a back-up).
Following this, she took me to the luggage carousel where I immediately found my bag and she took me to the fast-track customs line. Having advised the representative that I would not be using the Club Mobay services to await transfer to the resort, we strolled outside where my Mr. Reasonable car was waiting to take me to my destination. Upon arrival at the hotel, there was a bit of a wait to get me checked-in; on top of that there did not seem to be enough personnel staffing the front desk and they seemed a bit overwhelmed to the point that they did not want to be bothered.
Eventually, once I completed the paperwork, I was told that my room was not yet ready. Since the flight was late, I would have to wait another hour or so before they would issue me the cardkey for my room. As a result, I had lunch in the main dining room, then grabbed a Red Stripe at the bar; by the time that was done, my room was ready – they handed me my cardkeys and the bellman took my luggage to the room. Things did not go well there, either. For one thing, my door would not completely lock because the latch wasn’t working properly. Also, after several attempts, I was unsuccessful in getting my room safe to lock, either. After giving up, I tried calling the front desk, but failed at that as well – it rang a few times, then went to a busy signal. Later on, I gave the room safe another shot – miraculously, this time it worked (but it was quite a struggle). Exhausted from a long day, I grabbed an early dinner then caught-up on some much-needed (and welcomed) sleep to start my first full day fresh.
Day 2: First Full Day – Friday, 12/27/19
The first thing I noticed after grabbing a chair by the hot tub is that there was a much welcomed change in the hut where the soda & beer dispensers are located: the ice machine, which appeared to have not been working for the past several years, had finally been removed. What would eventually fill the space? And exactly how long is “eventually”? While the answers to these questions are uncertain, it is my hope that they replace the ice machine with one that is more reliable and then maintain it properly.
What would also be nice is to get that Red Stripe dispenser to work; it only seems to emit foam rather than beer, suggesting that either it needs to be cleaned or its temperature is too high (Jon Taffer needs to get on this pronto). Another item on my own personal wish list: metal stairs leading into the main pool – kind of like the ones in the hot tub. It’s rather inconvenient to have a single entry point into the main pool; true, you can ease your way in by the edge of the pool, but an extra set of stairs would help. (Remember when they had that ladder? It wasn’t that great, but metal stairs would be a perfect replacement)
Today is the day the New Year’s party people begin to trickle in; by mid-afternoon, the main pool was crowded and the party was in full-swing. This being Friday, it meant tonight, the Gala Buffet was on the schedule for dinner; I anxiously anticipated the usual grilled lobster. After dinner, the evening’s entertainment included a dance party in the courtyard. The dance floor was packed, leading me to suspect that maybe there’s still hope for the old disco yet if people really are looking for a place to dance. Following a trip to the piano bar (where I was delighted to find Eldon serving cocktails yet again), I made a quick trip to the disco and actually found it to be more populated than I expected it to be (both at the bar and on the dance floor itself).
Day 3: The Show Begins – Saturday, 12/28/19
Allow me to put this as plainly as possible: the afternoon poolside BJ’s are a constant source of entertainment. They say it is the people who make this resort what it is and observing this kind of activity all over the pool complex is endless fun. Whether you are talking about the hot tub or the main pool, it never seems to disappoint. But this year, what was arguably the most amusing activity took place in the wading pool where the fountain is located. One particularly luscious woman was targeting fit young men as they emerged from the main pool and strolled across the wading pool on the way to their lounge chair. While servicing them, her boyfriend, sitting nearby, looked on admiringly.
As usual, The Bare Bottom Bunch were present this week. On this particular afternoon, they held their annual champagne party at sundown (or whatever the sparkling wine is that the resort insists on passing off as champagne). Although this is organized by the group, led by Sabina & Scott, they invite everyone at the pool to join them, whether you are a member of their group or not. They lucked out again this year as the weather thankfully cooperated. After clear skies all day, we were treated to an unrestricted view of the sun setting over the water in the distant horizon.
Day 4: Reminiscences – Sunday, 12/29/19
This morning by the pool, I ran into my old pal Bob, who arrived the day after I did. I’ve known Bob for 22 years; my first New Year’s Eve at this resort was in 1997, which is when we met. Bob is the only one I know who has been doing New Year’s Eve at this resort longer than I have – his first was in 1991. Although we had engaged in brief chats the past couple of days, this morning was the first opportunity to have a somewhat extended conversation. Today, we spent about 20 minutes recollecting memories of our past vacations when high jinx ensued – with Bob usually at the center of it all.
Harry, the owner, has been here since my arrival; as one might expect, he’s been dancing up a storm with his date for the week and even singing in the piano bar. I passed by when he was having a conversation with a couple of other guests and overheard them talking about a vineyard he owns. Apparently, on top of everything else, he makes his own wine. This came as something of a surprise to me because I’d never heard about it before. Gradually, the magnitude of this man’s wealth was coming into focus. As Emerson, Lake and Palmer sang, “Oh, what a lucky man he was!”.
Day 5: Water – Monday, 12/30/19
I’m beginning to gain awareness of my water intake. Many times a day, I’m taking advantage of those bottles of water buried in ice in the cooler on the beach. While it’s good that I’m staying hydrated (it’s been sunny and 85 degrees each day so far), on the other hand, I’m also increasingly cognizant of how many bottles are adding up in the recycling trash. More infuriating still, I’m seeing people drop non-recycling trash in that can. Additionally, I’m noticing the paper straws and stirrers at the bar. With all of the fires that are consuming Australia recently due (presumably) to climate change, it is at least reassuring that Jamaica is assuming some responsibility about the environment.
Day 6: The Big Party – Tuesday, 12/31/19
The weather has been perfect – up until tonight, when it really counted. At dinnertime, a light rain fell; it was nothing that would make you run for cover and no one was carrying an umbrella, but nevertheless, it was inconvenient, especially when you consider the New Year’s Eve party was going to take place outdoors – specifically, in the courtyard, near the piano bar. Also, since the buffet was outdoors on the terrace of the pool, that made things a bit slippery. The New Year’s Eve dinner could basically be described as the Gala Buffet on steroids – bigger, bolder, grander. Fortunately, the rain stopped just in time for the party to begin. Rather than try to describe it with words, I’ll leave you with some pictures taken from the evening.
DJ Lenny Fontana was on hand to provide the music for the party.
A little rehearsal before the show for New Years Eve here in Negril Jamaica at Hedonism II #2020WillBeTheYearFor #housemusic #fun #holiday #music ##RhythmAndFlow #dance #djimbe pic.twitter.com/bXntAFxyTr
— Lenny Fontana (@LennyFontana) December 31, 2019
Day 7: New Year’s Day – Wednesday, 1/1/2020
As those remaining sleep late to recover from last night’s blow-out party, I begin to notice something is missing: what’s missing is some of the people whose company I’ve enjoyed the past few days. It may be hard to believe, but following last night, a number of people are leaving today; I can’t imagine going home on New Year’s Day after the previous night. How does one wake up early enough to get ready to check-out? Do you wind up staying up all night long, then return to your room to pack? That’s pretty rough. In any event, I was suddenly finding myself a bit lonely.
This being Wednesday, it is also the night of The Repeater Party. The invitation, however, was unusually ambiguous; for one thing, it didn’t include the date (it just said “Wednesdays”) and it didn’t specify the location (it said Piano Bar or Pool deck). That being the case, I decided that perhaps the best strategy would be to hike over to the pool deck and if I didn’t see any action there, make a U-turn and head to the piano bar. As luck would have it, my first guess was correct and it all turned out to be going down at the pool deck.
Following the cocktail party, dinner began and I headed to the dining room. On this particular night, they were serving the roasted pig. I love this porcine creature. Therefore, it is something of a shame that I took gleeful pride in defacing the little guy. Making a bee line directly to the carving station, I made the following request to the gentleman working there: give me both ears and both cheeks (of the pig, that is). He was likely disappointed that I was his first customer because the poor fellow seemed to encounter a bit of difficulty slicing off both cheeks of the pig. It’s not my fault; blame the pig for being born delicious.
Day 8: Ghost Town – Thursday, 1/2/2020
By now, either one of two things are true: the folks I’ve vacationed with for the past few days have left or they are currently in the process of leaving. Not only that, but the population of the resort had significantly shrunk. There were damned few people around and of those that remained, I couldn’t recognize any one of them. While the weather for most of the week had been great, both yesterday and today were cloudy. The rain that arrived in time for New Year’s Eve brought with it a great deal of humidity, which lingered even today.
This was my last full day here and it was a depressing one to be sure. It is at this point that I’m becoming anxious to leave. Later that night, after dinner, I decided to grab a cup of coffee and chill out; I walked over to a table at the back of the dining room and took a seat. As I’m sipping my coffee, I see out of the corner of my eye a woman leaving the ladies’ room and she’s heading directly for me. She grabs my arm tightly and asks, “Are you the owner?”. “Excuse me?”, I replied, to which she said, “Are you the owner of this resort? The people I’m with pointed you out to me and told me that you were the owner of the resort!”. While I was aware that this might be a potential opportunity, alas, I was not up to the calling. “No, I’m not”, I answered, “but don’t disappoint your friends. Tell them I’m the owner and that I liked you so much that I offered you a free week on your next stay”. She laughed and walked off, never to be seen again.
Day 9: Get Outta Dodge – Friday 1/3/2020
Last night at the piano bar was a downer. They performed “Desperado”, at which point I knew it was time for me to leave:
Desperado, oh, you ain't gettin' no younger
Your pain and your hunger, they're drivin' you homeAnd freedom, oh freedom, well that's just some people talkin'
Your prison is walking through this world all alone…
Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
Come down from your fences, open the gate
It may be rainin', but there's a rainbow above you
You better let somebody love you (let somebody love you)
You better let somebody love you
Before it's too late
Ouch. That one hit home. Too distraught to visit the Thursday night foam party, I simply skulked out and returned to my room. Awaking the next morning, I got breakfast then returned to my room to pack. Upon completion, I showered, dutifully checked-out, then went to lunch and awaited Mr. Reasonable for my drive back to the airport. My arrival at JFK was a bit earlier than expected and I had a long wait at the luggage carousel. Fortunately, my driver was patient and waited for me in Terminal 4. He got me home in a half hour. Sleeping in my own bed never felt so good.
